Monday, December 04, 2006
It's been real ages since I last blogged! No idea how long too, probably 2 weeks or so? Well, many many unhappy stuff took place to me during this period of time. It drains away all my energy to blog and go online.
Somehow, something caused me to make a harsh decision and decided to end the 8months long journey. At that point of time, nothing matters at all, just purely break off and carry on with life. That somebody did something bad and probably said or hint something about my bad past to my parents. I just wanna go on wih life, perhaps, meet someone better in future. My rages got over me. Anger and just purely anger. Nothing else. Out of a sudden, all the love had vanish into the air.
But it's really not that easy to forget someone whom I really gave and put in alot of love plus effort to. Don't deceive oneself, it's really that hard! He may not be the perfect guy, every girls' dreamguy, but definately the guy that I truly loved! Ya. People may said, " Come'on la. You're only 18. Scare cannot find other guys meh? Dont' be so despo la. You can go without a BF what right? There's no true love in the world. Still young. Surely can meet your perfect guy one day. " May sound right. But think, how guys out there are actually after the body, sex, money, flings? How many? It's just super hard to really get someone that truly cares and loves you! It's just when and where. Ya 18. Young, I know. But soon, age will look for us.
I'm sad girls, but to admit. I've been telling the bad side of Ezra and just the good side of me. You girls got no idea how bad I'm. Someone u all can't imagine. A real heartless bad GF. And this side of me, is someone you all don't get or even see before. I insulted, criticise, demoralise, look down, throw temper, even throw the ring we had right at his face. And I did all of this EVERYDAY to him. I don't know how to love someone and this might be my way of showing love. I know also, I'm still young to talk about love. But somehow, after so many stuff I and HIM been through, at least I can say, I understand how's it like to be loved and love someone.
Think. Not everyone can be like JL meeting the right guy. To me, myself, he's the right guy for me. Probably at this point of time. He's been there for me during my loweset point of time(My dad), fetching me from work and then go home without grumbles, wholeheartedly worrying about my safely when I'm out at night, pubbing. Ya. I was out drinking and he din know that. Imagine, if I was him , I'll definately slap the hell out of him even though there's really nth going on. Hard to believe, in those kind of environment. And I understand all this.
I should'nt go pub that night. I shouldn't. He likes so worry keep calling my friends and family. Sign. So regreted. So then, all this would not happen! He's someone so different from the other guys I used to meet in the past. Ya. I may just trying to find excuses or speaking for him. But there's no point for this. Cause, all this from the bottom of my heart.
Happiness and joy can only be displayed on the face. No one has any idea the pain I'm going through. I always keep everything to myself and never show it out. To say the truth, who really knows when am I happy, sad or angry? No right? Cause I don't want to bring all this emotions to the people around me. To see me happy, probably, just let me have my own decision. Giving advices are good, but decision still lies in that person's hand. To live or to die, all of you don't really have much say. You all are in a relationship and you all sure understand right? This friendship is something I treasure alot and I don't want reduce to such a state that I have to make a decision.
I decide what I wants. And even if I regret it one day, at least, I met someone I won't forget in my whole life.
I miss him.
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and she says...# ;
